a hundred choices
by LLCAD
Summary: AU set after sanctum, and the mystery of our heroes survival from the primes. Clarke struggles to come to terms with choices she has made, Octavia is trying to discover an old side of herself, and everyone is coming to terms with the horrific way they had left Sanctum and the trauma it has left on them. (You'll find some surprise changes from canon)
1. Shoulder Pain

Clarke's head leaned back against the seat she was strapped into. Her hands gripped the belt tightly as a deep pit grew in her stomach. They always made it out just in time, but it didn't mean going up in a three hundred year old spaceship was any safer than what was on the ground. Her body shook and her eyes clenched shut as the ship jerked through the atmosphere. She didn't like closing her eyes. When she closed her eyes she still saw Josephine, and sometimes she forgot that she was gone.

Taking off a planet, going to a planet, it never felt safe. It always made her think about Wells, and how much he deserved to still be here. How angry she was at him for coming onto the original journey to the ground. If she could go back and treat him kinder she would. Clarke had grown into the skill of avoiding her guilt, but Josephine had fleshed out six years of it in a handful of days. If she was able to have cognitive thought, she knew Josephine would be pretty proud of herself.

She drew in a breath as the ship stabilized, and her eyes opened to the room. Clarke loved these people, and she had always felt responsible for them. She quickly noticed that none of them across from her had spared her a thought. She was relieved in the sense that no one saw her mild panic attack, but it also hurt in other ways. Soon these people would look to her to speak, like she was a vending machine that took disaster in like a coin, and spit out a sustaining solution. She almost always had ideas, but they weren't always well received.

A touch to her shoulder almost sent a shock through her body. Her eyes followed the arm length of the familiar hand. She was met with the comforting smile of Bellamy Blake. She wanted to cave into the arm, to take the hug and support that it offered. She needed it, she needed Bellamy. He didn't have to speak to remind her that she was loved, at least loved enough to keep pressing on. Her hand touched over Bellamy's and curled fingers guided across the back of his. She could feel the warmth between her shoulder and his hand spreading through her body.

Then the captain announced they could leave their seats. Clarke immediately clicked her belt and slipped out of her seat. She was back on the mission, passing the curious looks of her comrades. She found Octavia in the cafeteria, she was seated closest to the exit and it seemed they were both eager to get out of the place filled with the people they had destroyed at least once or twice. Clarke looked at Octavia with a cautious glance. She wasn't afraid of her in the sense that most people were. She'd come back around to valuing her, and back to worrying about her opinion. Octavia was not someone who made you guess how she felt.

Her glare was not as easy read in this moment. Was she still processing what happened? Was she still dealing with herself? Clarke didn't know. Before Clarke could say anything, Diyoza walked into the room. "What's going on in here?" Clarke shrugged her shoulders and took a seat with Octavia, Diyoza soon joined. "You two don't look like women who just won and saved everyone." It caused a sigh between the two women, Diyoza could read a room. "Almost everyone." She corrected.

Clarke looked down at her hands reflectively, she felt like she was going to cave into herself. She didn't know what to say, as confident as she felt moments ago it was gone now. It was easier to lose it around these two. "Octavia…" She should start there. Octavia's face turned from her. Clarke sighed and looked back at her hands. The familiar warmth on her shoulder grew, and she could see his hand in the corner of her eyes. He was always there, always reminding her. Octavia got up to leave only she did not leave and stood facing away, and she had her answer. She was still processing.

Clarke reached back to touch that hand. "You should see your mom about the shoulder pain." Clarke turned to look at Diyoza. Her eyes trailed up to see Bellamy's smile. It wasn't pain that was there, right? She took a breath and stood up.

"My shoulder is fine." She walked to grab some of the coffee they had sourced a few weeks before. "Octavia." She said again, this time a little more firmness in her voice. "We will find a way to get him back, I promise we will." This caused Octavia to turn and face her. "He wanted to do better, just like Monty wanted." Diyoza got to be a fly on the wall in this conversation. "And we will do better by getting him back."

Octavia notably swallowed. "He's dead Clarke. He's dead, he made that choice." The warmth on Clarke's shoulder told her something else, but he wasn't there. He wasn't there.

"Hey!" Diyoza commanded attention. "You thought I was dead, remember?" She wasn't one for being hopeful, but she had learned some valuable lessons in the last few weeks. "So everything sucks, and people are dead. Bellamy is stuck on a planet of vampiric jackass's. What are we going to do about it?"

Heavy boots walked into the room at the right moment. She had been asleep for a hundred and twenty five years. Fresh war paint was splashed on her face. Her voice was confident, but her limbs were still adjusting to movement. Lexa spoke up with an overly obvious tone in her voice. "We get him back."


	2. The Commander

"Who woke up The Commander?" Octavia's voice was authoritative, even if she had no more authority over these people. Lexa and Octavia shared a battle of glares, who's poker face was better? Octavia was sick of not having an answer, so she asked one more time in a less amicable tone. "I said who woke up The Commander?" The answer quickly followed behind Lexa, Murphy ready to take a blow from Octavia. He was typically ready for a punch to the face, that was how he was.

"Her name is Lexa, and she's not the Commander anymore. You made sure of that didn't you?" Octavia turned to face away from them, it was a blow to both women. Murphy was very good at picking the wrong thing to say to the right people. "If you had listened to her last time, we would still be on Earth in a peaceful valley. Maybe this time you can listen to her without wanting to chew her head off." A smirk cornered Lexa's mouth. "No offence, obviously."

"We agreed she would stay asleep until things were sorted out." Octavia reminded, looking to Diyoza and Clarke to jump in at any moment. They did not. Clarke, she expected Clarke to not say anything, but Diyoza? That surprised her, it visibly changed her expression. "I see." She said in a tone of realization. "Your blood doesn't make you the one in charge, and we don't need you to jet off to another planet after we find out Bellamy is dead." Her voice was cruel but the words hurt herself more than anyone in the room. Octavia knew that if she told herself he was dead, she could get through the loss of him. At least, she could appear to.

"If you don't want me in charge you might want to stop calling me 'The Commander' now." Lexa chimed in. She hadn't been the best at understanding these people and their humour, the years had changed that for her. "I will not have you speaking about Bellamy like he is dead. Did anyone see him die?" She searched the room, reading the faces and taking them in. She was always good at that. "I thought not." She looked at Murphy who was engaged in every word she was saying. "We are not going to turn around without a plan, but we will turn around." She took a seat with Diyoza and looked at Octavia. "So sit down and help us with a plan or get out. Either would be helpful."

Clarke had her coffee by now, and she tried to bring herself to be more awake in this conversation. The impacts of Josephine in her head involved a little sleep deprivation. "They outnumber us. They will see us land and they will swing back and kill us." They would have a small window to leave the ship but they would inevitably get caught and brought to the Primes. "Whatever plan we come up with has to take that into consideration." She glanced at her cup, she didn't want to say her next thought but she had to. "We should also consider the innocent people on Sanctum."

``you worry about that now Clarke?" Murphy never failed to tune into the parts of any conversations he could get a good jab in. Murphy sighed and tapped his hand on the desk. Look, I don't mean to…" He knew it wasn't helpful, but it was second nature. "I just mean, how many of them do you think are left?" He wanted to raise a valid point. "I didn't wake Lexa kom kick a man out a window to go down there and be peace ambassadors. My friend is down there."

A sneer from Octavia. "Now he's your friend?"

"He's more of a friend to me than a brother to you." Murphy's defense flew up the wall.

"Was he your friend when you took the drives and lied to him about Clarke? At least I never lied to him." Murphy's eyes glanced down, a very clear and heavy guilt sat in his expression. It was exactly what he was trying to make up for.

"We've all done things here, no one at this table is innocent." Diyoza picked up Clarke's coffee without thinking and sipped it. The pair shared a smile, Clarke's shrug was all the approval she needed. "I'll tell you what standing here and pointing fingers is doing. It's giving the Primes distance from us, and longer to kill Bellamy." She looked at Clarke, thinking of Josephine. "Or worse."

Panic went down Clarke's spine. "If they put someone in Bellamy's head, he is gone. He didn't take the chip. There is no mesh waiting to maybe save him." She didn't say anything new, but it was enough of a reminder to them. "How could I let him do that?" A sadness grew in her voice. "After everything he did to… how could I leave him?" She wiped under her eyes and sighed, stepping up from the table. "I need to sleep. Wake me up if you come up with anything good."

Clarke walked from the cafeteria and searched the rooms. She hadn't gotten a chance to explore this place, and she was searching for somewhere to sleep. Others had a similar idea in mind, she passed Indra who was walking into a room. There were doors here she wasn't ready to open. She reached the end of the hall to a particular door. She had slept in this room once before. She walked in and looked around. She made her way to the bed and sat with a sigh. She rubbed the back of her neck and heard steps behind her.

"I guess I am lucky that the one I have works differently." Clarke turned to spot Lexa standing at her door. "No we didn't come up with a good plan." She could see the disappointment on her face. "They are coming up with many plans that aren't good." She couldn't listen to it, the total nonsense that wasn't helping Bellamy.

"Yours is much more advanced, it works a lot differently." Clarke spun around to face her. "It means more." She didn't want to disrespect Lexa, or her culture.

"Don't." Lexa knew what she was doing. "I have had a lot of time to think about what the flame is, and what it meant to be living without it." Lexa had taken it back with a lot of reluctance. "Now I have to wash this off my face and change. I thought we were really going. Murphy." It caused a smile from Clarke's lips. "Clarke." She took another step into the room and shut the door. "We're going to get him back. We are."

Clarke nodded, more tears forming in her eyes. "What if we don't? What if Octavia is right?"

Lexa's face pressed into skepticism. "What has Octavia been right about in a long time?"

Clarke nodded, she knew she was right but the guilt was eating her up inside. "What if I never see him again?"

"You will see him again." She leaned back to the door. "This wasn't your fault Clarke. Bellamy made a choice and now we will honour him by making another one." Under the war paint was a concerned young woman. "I know you care about him, and I know he cares about you… but Clarke, you aren't the only one who wants him back." She took a seat next to him. "The first year on the ring, that was pretty tough but, Bellamy he kept me centered. I learned why you had faith in him." Bellamy was her family, and he had been for many years.

Clarke nodded, she knew to respect the bond of those who went up on the ark, but it made her feel more isolated.

Then, Lexa's head moved back like an idea smacked her right in the face. "We have Polis warriors. Warriors who will listen to Madi, and the rest will listen to me. We have a band of criminals that will listen to Diyoza. Let's land this death container and force their hand. Avoid as many deaths as we can."

Clarke had considered this idea immediately, but it was risky. "What if they don't?"

"We have complete control don't we?" Wake them one by one and the ones who cannot be trusted… we can put them back." She had come up with that on the spot. Lexa stood up and walked to the door. "I'll give you a minute, I'll meet you there."

Clarke nodded and sat still as Lexa left. As soon as she did, Clarke laid on the bed. She would need a lot more than a minute to follow through with hundreds of wake ups. She might not have slept so easy if she couldn't sleep in the room where Bellamy first held her after six years. If she couldn't feel the warmth of his body encasing her.


	3. Define The Man

He realized in this moment that he never had a grand plan for his life after they hit the ground and stopped being told what they could be. Could he have been a guard? Could he have been a farmer? Could he have been an engineer? No. Nobody could decide on one thing for Bellamy Blake to do, not even Bellamy Blake. There was no need to define on things to do anyways, only people to be. Bellamy had a lot of time to think about the kind of person he wanted to be, even before this. He would push himself until he died to meet his own expectations. He just never knew that time would be now. He guessed he may have had a plan after all.

He was no stranger to being someone's prisoner, or someone's punching bag. He made sure when he was in space that he never forgot how to take a hit. They had the advantage when they got here, the people had no idea what they were capable of but now that had changed. Bellamy sucked in a breath when he heard steps, he knew that he was nowhere near close to being dead. Russell would want blood, and his blood offered both revenge and his own justice. He tilted his head when the man walked in, dressed like he was still a God. He stayed quiet as the pair looked at each other. Since Bellamy had no intentions of surviving, he had no reason to speak yet.

"They left you behind." The other man spoke, trying to get a rise out of Bellamy. He realized now that Russell didn't know what happened, not truly. If he knew, he would have known Bellamy didn't get left on a planet against his will. "After all you have done for them, after all you have done against me. I am here and you are there." There was an emotional incline in Russell's voice. Bellamy's eyes sharpened at the man, if he could talk now he would. Russell grew tired of Bellamy's mouth hours ago. The gag on his mouth didn't feel like a loss to him, in fact it felt like quite the opposite.

Bellamy tried to speak through the gag now, making an incomprehensible sentence string together. It was enough to catch Russell's interest, and he nodded at a guard to pull the gag from his mouth. Bellamy took his first real breath in a while, the sudden influx of air made him cough. He swallowed and took his time in repeating what he said, "I was wondering how you're going to pass your drive down to everyone on Sanctum. Since you'll have to burn the rest at the pyre." The way Russell took in a breath told Bellamy just how pissed off he was. "Maybe they will burn you instead."

Russell picked up the gag and walked to Bellamy himself, bunching it in his hand and shoving it in his mouth. His face was a canvas of rage and pain, the man had lost a lot since they landed on the ground. "Maybe they will do that, but not before I get you." Russell raised his hand up to tell his guard to leave. With some hesitation he did. "Do you think I am going to kill you? Do you think you are going to be that lucky? That it would be that easy?" He could see a splash of confusion on Bellamy's face. "That makes you a martyr Bellamy, that's not what is going to happen today. Today you transcend into something else, into something better than you are now."

Bellamy could only imagine what that meant. The first thing that he thought was he would have a prime put in his head. When Russell opened the door, two men came in and picked him up off the floor. He was tied at the feet and the wrists. His hands felt cold, he was feeling in his body how long he had been hunched on his legs. He wanted to fight back, but the fight had been beaten out of him. The next room they went in was much brighter, and he sat somewhere much more comfortably. No, he was laying down.

He felt a tug around his arms, then his waist, finally his feet. He caught a glimpse of a familiar face. His gag was pulled free with a softer hand. "Jackson?" He wanted to reach for him but he couldn't move his arm. The better he could focus, the clearer his intentions became. Jackson had a needle in his hand and a tray near him. He was also wearing a set of scrubs and had gloves on. "What are you doing?" He wanted to trust him, he wanted to have faith that Jackson was playing a game with Russell. The terror on Jackson's face told another story. He didn't want to be doing what he was doing, which meant he was doing something he shouldn't do.

"I'm sorry Bellamy. They have Nathan." Jackson grabbed Bellamy's arm and wiped it clean.

Even though his memory was fuzzy, he remembered something important right now. "No… he got away." He said in almost a whisper. "He was helping k… kids get on. They don't have him."

An angry voice stepped in. "A lie. Do it or you will never see Nathan Miller again."

Bellamy curbed his shoulders away. "I am not lying, he got away. Look at me Jackson, I would never lie about this." There was an urgent plea in his eyes as they passed glances between Jackson and the needle in his arm full of black sludge.

"I'm sorry Bellamy, I can't take that chance." He pierced Bellamy's arm right away and pushed the needle into it. Then a different one. Bellamy spotted one of those drives, like the one he had seen come out of Clarke's head on the tray. His vision was growing grainier. He felt Jackson's shaky hand on his head. The man rested his forehead on his, tears rolled down his face to match the ones in Bellamy's eyes. "May we meet again."

He used his final breaths to choke out a warning. "You better hope... we don't."


	4. Kalo Prime

His eyes opened and were immediately flooded with the light of the room. It took him a moment to regain function of his limbs, moving his arm felt like swinging an ice block. Using his side to roll himself up, Bellamy came to the realization that he was alone in this room. He had been here before, this room was just past the skeleton army. "Okay Bellamy, what's the plan?" He mumbled to himself, trying his best to collect his thoughts and form an action plan. To him, nothing was impossible.

When his feet touched the ground, it was the first time he had felt hope in some time. He had stayed on this planet to die, and he was still here. That had to mean something, right? The prick in his arm gained his attention when he tried to move away from it. Ripping out the IV, black goo splashed out. His brows furrowed, because now he knew their plan. They wanted to use him, just as he thought they would. They were nothing if not predictable. The thought caused him to touch the back of his neck with some shaky urgency.

The scar was unmistakable, something had been put inside of his head but it hadn't taken over. He was still here. Then he spotted it, a terribly written and barely legible note on the tray beside the operation bed. Taped to the note was a mind drive. 'May we meet again, Kalo Prime.' "Jackson." Whispering to himself, Bellamy was almost overwhelmed with relief that he still had his trust.

With the drive in his palm, Bellamy wasn't sure what he was supposed to do with it. Jackson couldn't have made him a clearer plan, the drive being intact meant something. The drive not being wiped and put in his mind as Clarke's had been, meant something. What did it mean? Scanning the room, Bellamy looked for a solution. After some panic, he spotted it. A computer screen and a placement that even at a distance, seemed like a perfect drive fit.

He knew he didn't have long, but he needed to know the basics. Fitting the pieces together, Bellamy hunched over the table and watched what came up on the screen. Kalo Prime, otherwise known as Martin Kalo, had his drive installed when he was fifteen. The youngest in history at the time. The party was the first memory on the drive, Bellamy could only sense that Kalo Prime was shy at first. Having to do some quick fastforwarding, Bellamy skipped to his final death.

_"__I don't want to come back, please please don't bring me back." Blood soaked out of the young boy's mouth. He was still so young. _

_"__You helped me do this, you helped Gabriel and I do this." The voice, it was so familiar. It only took him a second to place it to Russell. "You have a place at our side, you have earned it." The boy's head shook violently, and he pleaded with Russell. Appealing to his commander. _

_"__Russell, I can handle this." The calming voice, the posture. It took him a little longer to pair him to Gabriel. "Go on, you're scaring him." With hesitation, Russell left the room. Taking a seat next to Kalo, Gabriel took his hand. "I'm leaving tonight. I wish I could take you with me." They both knew he wasn't going to make it. "I can't… I can't destroy you. I can't do that. Destroying you, is destroying me." Coughs of blood spat defiantly against Gabriel's cheek. "I will take you with me. I promise you Martin, he won't have you again." _

As the screen went black, Bellamy heard footsteps. His heart quickened and he pulled the drive free. He shoved it in his pocket and looked at the note. Crumpling the paper and shoving it in his mouth was the best way to ensure that it never saw the light of day again. Nearly leaping in the bed, Bellamy held the IV he had removed earlier to make it appear as if he had just pulled it out in time for Russell to open the door.

"I begged you! I begged you not to do this to me!" Bellamy's hands were shaking, as he fought for his life by pretending it now belonged to someone else. "How could you do this to me Russell? After everything I did for you." Bellamy was quickly held down his shoulders at Russell's command. He froze in fear, knowing he could fight them off to the death but refusing to let any of himself shine through the mask.

"How dare I? How dare I give you a life again? How dare I give a terrorist's body a second chance at life? How dare you!" The anger in Russell's voice was not for Bellamy. It was for Kalo. Swallowing thickly down, Bellamy knew he had jumped the hardest hurdle of this. "After everything that I have gone through to secure your return, you ask me how dare I?" Russell's voice lowered now, to a resigned sigh. "You always were the softest. Even softer than Gabriel. Is that how you convinced him to take your drive?"

Refusing to comment in his rant, Bellamy only answered the question he knew at the end. "He offered." Sitting up, Bellamy still felt the hands of the guards however Russell allowed him to move up. "How did you get it back? Where is Gabriel?" It seemed to be something the Prime would have cared about. Bellamy did too, to a degree.

"I knew you'd ask me that, and I knew you would assume like some monster I would have executed him." The irony, the manipulation, Bellamy saw right through it. He knew the truth, he knew what his plans for Gabriel had been. Kalo didn't, Kalo needed to take Russell's word as gospel. "I have a surprise for you." A chirp of excitement hung in his voice. "Bring him in." Doors opened and in walked a bound Gabriel surrounded by guards.

Bellamy and Gabriel looked at each other, Gabriel pushed off his guard and went for Bellamy. Hugging his arms around him so tightly. "I'm sorry Martin. I tried." Russell backed away from the room, giving the pair just a moment to be alone.

"I'm not Kalo." Bellamy whispered, in awe that he dished his secret out.

Still clung to him for dear life, tears shook out of Gabriel's eyes. "I know."


End file.
